i just have some thoughts that i need to get out.
first, i think ive gotten to the point where sin bothers me. i think im more bothered when Christians (myself included) sin than when non-Christians sin. like i feel like we should know better or should be iono, representing Christ better. like iono, if ur life looks the same as someone who isnt saved, what good is it? what makes that person want to get to know God? if the only thing that separates u from a non-Christian is that you occassionally go to church, wats really good? like really?
theres something in me that thirsts for more. i thirst for more God in my life. i thirst for more God in my friend's lives. i feel like there is this huge other life that we are meant to live in Christ that we are just missing because we are caught up in the things of the world. theres something inside me that longs to just glorify God continually ALL the time in EVERYTHING and with everything. but i feel like we have kind of been conditioned to a comfortable Christianity that doesn't really require that much of us. it takes a literal act of God to get us out that mindset... and i know we all need our minds to be transformed with regards to everything. im learning that everything physical has something spiritual too. like lets stop trying to fix problems by thinking about them; how bout we try prayer? and how bout we use the Bible as a standard in our lives; not how we FEEL or what we've been taught. lets really read to understand the Word, and ask God and other spirit-led folk for help when we don't understand it.
im sorry if none of this stuff makes sense or seems really jumbled. i just have this passion for us to live the lives that we were meant to live. i feel like we are getting caught up in what society says our lives should be instead of completely surrendering to the wonderful life God has for us [and i am so not exempt from any of this. i have seen this stuff in my life more than anyone elses].

iono...wat yall think.

so i decided to tell you guys the amazing things that amped my life this week. its funny how like God really syced me and then the next day something else horrible happened, or maybe i really do just have short-term memory when it comes to God's faithfulness and work in my life.

• so im financially poo. like really. and things have been stretched. like my fridge is empty. i was holding off on paying my bills. i was going to charge them and all. but then when i went to pay my credit card, i realized that my rental car bill hadn't posted to my account yet and the only outstanding balance was 37 dollars for the new dental insurance i had to buy. whooo! so i was then able to pay my electric, cable/internet, water, and life insurance bills! yay!
• then, i spoke to my friend that i had been praying for for a while now. now there have been revelations, but this one was kinda major i think. and i was so happy that now that person can finally like break through barriers that really keep them from pursuing God totally and being passionate about their purpose and fulfilling it. it was such an answered prayer! whoo! im so EXCITED to see what God will do in this person's life.
  
• AND THEN, femi hit me up about this mediation council idea i had a minute ago about ANQ. i was just sick of the drama and that happens in this org, especially when it comes to issues of the heart. sisters backstabbing each other, especially when it comes to men or frat, and then frat treating women horribly or running through them, and vice versa. i was just like two many people have been hurt in this org from these things and there needs to be a place where people can reconcile and be healed of those things. so i told femi about my grievance and she made it something bigger than what i had ever imagined. and she will send me a proposal for not just a one time thing, but a standing council that people can go to! i was like wow! so i'll get that in april.

wow, that was kind of encouraging. i think that was just enough for me to be like, ok God, You are looking out for me and You do hear my prayers. i wonder why i am hitting a rough patch now? like im exhausted. all i see are the end of the semester papers and projects that need to get done, the ANQ functions that i keep traveling over 2 hours for, and i just dropped $250, more like charged, because some concrete whatever shattered my headlight and dented my front panel. ugh. so guys, please pray for me before i get discouraged again. its so easy for me to get defeated nowadays