so maybe a month ago, God asked me what i wanted. now, i just had to be all deep and ask Him to increase my faith. and as i wrote it, i knew it was gonna be hard and challenging. i said, "self, why are you asking for this?" sigh, "cuz the Holy Spirit inside me wants me to grow in my relationship with God." UGH! this is harder than i thought. i have never felt so discouraged
, and im like an inch away from stressing myself out. heres why.....
- giving control over to God means i don't have control...well duh, but i mean...I WANT CONTROL! at least i can make sure things happen or i can be sure that they do. too bad i have that same assurance with God...i just iono think like i dont
- theres not enough time! with all the things i want to get done this semester, there arent enough hours in the day to do them. all the expectations: school work, field work, research, church, ANQ...like where are the hours in the day going????
- MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. i dont know where the money will come from. i dont know how things will get paid. all i can rest on is that they will be paid for and that God will provide. thats a far cry from me being a daddy's girl all my life. i knew it would end, but i didnt expect it to end so soon. i just want to be independent
. but its harder than i thought when i dont have a steady income...
i havent been sleeping too well the past couple of nights. i just toss and turn. this could partly be due to my cramps or my nasal congestion. but the other part could be due to stress. but i dont worry when im laying in the bed...im actually thinking about how i will do my hair when i do my big chop or where to place my feet so they arent hot....or if i wanna sleep on my side or my stomach and then which way to lay my head....
sorry that was a bit much. but yeah...God...i feel like my world is falling apart and i have no choice but to cling to you. but i still dont like having to cling....guess ur breaking that mindset....
ok guys thats all. but here is a ray of sunlight. THREE years ago, six young ladies were inducted into the Kappa Chapter of Alpha Nu Omega, Inc. All six of these ladies are still active today and are more sold out for Christ than ever before. Amber, Nina, Ade, Genni, and Randal...I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary
Comments (1)
it's entertaining reading your posts thinking you're gonna stay on one train of thought and then before I know it i'm reading about you trying to keep your feet cool or where to put your head when you sleep, lol.
oh, the silly things we pray in the Spirit....I'm still workin my way through "I want a life that requires me to think completely differently than i ever have before from the time I get out of bed". Yeah, I said that.
congrats on the solidarity of the sisters.